beauty & the beast

the fear of settling or the fear of a failed adventure...which is worse?

the idea of being trapped inside these walls...the streets that hold my childhood, adolescence, and young adult hood...will they hold the rest of my life?

all of the dreams, plans, excitement will be tucked away in notebooks, and the conversations of adventure and changing the world will fade into the walls of coffee shops.

choosing what is safe, what is predictable, what is comfortable...over answering His call, and following rather than just believing.


Following is hard. being radical is hard. it's scary. it's uncertain.

God, as much as i am terrified by the uncertainity of this adventure you're placing ahead of me right now, i know that i'm not wired to settle...(even if i wish i was sometimes) God, i'm scared. scared of what will happen, scared to look foolish, scared of where i'll end up, scared to fail...but i have many great reasons to trust, and zero reasons not to trust. I pray for Your companionship along this journey, for You to fill me with confidence, that You will make my paths straight, God. Fill me with excitement, and overwhelm me with joy, Lord. You've given me an inch and i'm ready to follow you for a mile. Let's do it!




"i want adventure in the great wide somewhere, i want it more than i can tell. and for once it might be grand, to have someone understand. I want so much more than they've got planned."
-Belle

fan into flame

life is happening fast!! kinda scary!

anyway, really fired up about Mark Batterson's talk from 4/20 called fan into flame.

i've really been picking through the books of Timothy, even prior to hearing his talk, and it's just really speaking to my heart right now.

wish i had time to elaborate.....

to much to say pt

pt ptptptwow what a week it has been...and d its only thursday!!!!
i dont think i've ever been more convicted of the hurt that this generation feels. the years 14 to 24 seem to be filled with confusion and uncertainties...and hurt. our world is selfish, even if it doesn't want to be.

anyway....new beginnings, opportunities. exciting! relationships well there's potential but the lack of certanity scares me...hmm a theme in my life?? and i see a possible job opportunity, but i'm scared to jump on it..i dont want to be laughed at...i guess im waiting for God to make it happen..to work thru someone else..promt them to say something to take the leap, approachc me ...i dont know..but God is good and He can make aything happen....even if it means dealing with me timid spirit pt

everyone but me

its easy as Christians to tell others that God loves them, or God has a plan for them...but do we believe that God has a plan for US?? That He loves US?? for some reason thats hard for us to fathom, i know it is for me, especially looking at my friends lives....
so why is this? why is it everyone but us?? we can be spirtual leaders to others and still feel like we're the acception to God's perfect love, freeing grace, and His exciting and adventurous plan.

i saw the light

Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.

John 3:20-21

this was really convicting for me. not that i'm hiding out inside of some huge sin...but more that i'm a private person by nature. i like to keep my stuff to myself, whatever is going on in my head, what i'm struggling with, my hurts, fears...i just feel more comfortable keeping it inside and not sharing it with others, even those close to me. but i think that sometimes that can be a foothold for Satan. even if i'm not intentionally 'hiding' something, my sense of safety within privacy is essentially a 'darkness', b/c i'm not allowing other Christ followers into my life...not allowing God to speak through them into my heart. and it brings me to question, what am i so afraid to let out? what am i so afraid to let others see, to let them in??

of course there's a fine line here of overflowing everythign on to everyone you know....but
yeah, not even close to being there yet.....

against the ropes

it's strange...sad...confusing... and inspiring in a way (that i need to pour into people more, test the more, and continually grow...) but anyway my point is that when some Christ followers find themselves in a hard situation, they think it's something THEY need to handle. i'm not talking hard like, well i just really need that new phone or whatever..(bad example..) BLAHH...i mean big stuff. health issues, financial issues, marital struggles, extended family arguments. i guess situations that have no simple answer, no easy resolution. i know i'm being vague but i guess it's in my effort to not reveal my personal circumstances......................ok so back to the point which is WHEN these types of situations arise, all of a sudden these people who you thought were God trusting, explode into swearing ranting fireballs who destroy everyone in their path...b/c they're carrying this burden on THEIR OWN SHOULDERS........and as the observer in this situation, how do we try to bring them back to a reliance on God, in the midst of their explosion....i've found it's the last thing they want to hear (maybe b/c deep down somewhere they know i'm right?????)



what do you do when you find out that all they were doing is wearing a mask that got knocked off when they were thrown against the ropes??