hide and go seek

who is here, in this reflection?
eyes sunken in so deep
a story, that just can't be cracked
you're lost, my dear

those eyes, they are so tired
here, cover up.
this is a masquerade.
you're lost, my dear.

the music's getting faster
can't keep up this pace
lonliness runs too deep
you're lost, my dear.

shattered
spilt arcoss this mess
pick me up
make me Yours

i am found

the first brick laid in an 8 year fortress of protection.

where the heck does life go?? how does it happen?? i don't understand how people that i've grown up with are now pregnant, married, have kids??? we talked about our dreams, our husbands, our hopes, careers, futures...every fight with parents, hurtful gossip about other friends, lying through our teeth about talents or looks.....naive and selfish junior highers who now, 8 years later, are all on completely different planets.
it's a painful loss. a loss that is irreversible. was this this first scar? there were originally 4 of us, for a while 7...but really just us 2. how did it happen?? where are you? was this the first scar? leading to the many others, the deeper ones?? where were you when the blows to my heart were full force? where was i when you were falling? how were we so blind and selfish?
could we fit now?? it seems we've taken 2 different roads, speeding, full fore, in worlds that will never collide....but deep down i wish they would. i know you're empty. was this the first scar?
the scar that led to walls, a fortress of protection, fueled by fear. how i long for freedom, and i know you feel the same. i want to show you someone to cling to, i want to show you Him.
by no means is this eloquent...i know you wouldn't care, and you'd probably laugh at the attempt. you always went along, let me lead, but encouraged....i don't find that much, anymore. i think i'm scared of failing. was i there for you? i can be now....was this the first scar???
why did you let me fly blind into a thunderstorm??? how could i ever blame you? i don't, you know, blame you. i know you didn't get it, how could i exepct you to? i dove in full force, i was committed before you even had a chance to see the red flags. maybe this is all my fault. i think about picking up the phone from time to time....but we were always pridefull, to a point of self damage.....this is just rambling now. you tried to get it, even if you resented the races, and all of it. but things are differnet now. i recall the times that we had, haning on my wall.
i miss you, and i think we could re connect, if this world was just us. but you have them and i have Him, and right now those worlds will not collide.

he could go all the way

best stinking time in sports.

bball playoffs
stanley cup finals
baseball starting up

LOVE IT

Your love it strong

i'm so thankful for The Bible, for God's word to be right at my fingertips.

when the world is against me...He is there.

when the people closest to me are unknowingly hurtful....He's there.

when everyone thinks i can't, or doesn't believe...HE IS THE ENCOURAGER, the listener.





So I arrive
At the conclusion
Love isn't made
Love doesn't sell or pay
But we buy
And sell our love away
Don't let the pain
Bring you down

bounce back

i hate it when people..adults primarily, i suppose...say kids are 'resilient'. especially when it to a huge things like divorce..its like an excuse adults use to make themselves feel better about their own selfish decisions.

what does resilient mean anyway?? that they endure?

sunrise with the Creator

i love the morning. i mean early mornings..like summer early.. before the sun comes up. i feel like its a special time that only God and i are sharing. its a fresh start, no damage has been done, i can take on anything bc God is so close. nothing is being rushed or set aside it's just me and God on the open road.

trying to come back to earth

last couple days have been a blurr. got my wisdom teeth out, and lets just say focusing has not been the easiest thing for me to do...and vicodin, wow, that's a completely different story. it's been fun to relax, but strange b/c i feel VERY out of it when i try to concentrate on something.

anyway, trying to get back on track.

right now i'm reading 'hurt' but chap clark. it's supposed to be a glimpse into today teenagers world. the target age of his research is high school but the facts apply to 'adolescence' which now some experts say can range to age 26...so in a creepy way i'm reading about myself. and what is even stranger is the accuracy, and the 'hurt' that i didn't know i felt. i hope this can give me better insight on how to relate to students as well as my peers..and even ways that i can do some cleaning up of my own emotions. anyway i'm about 50 pages in and i have 2 more books on order for later this week :) :) soo excited!