the first brick laid in an 8 year fortress of protection.

where the heck does life go?? how does it happen?? i don't understand how people that i've grown up with are now pregnant, married, have kids??? we talked about our dreams, our husbands, our hopes, careers, futures...every fight with parents, hurtful gossip about other friends, lying through our teeth about talents or looks.....naive and selfish junior highers who now, 8 years later, are all on completely different planets.
it's a painful loss. a loss that is irreversible. was this this first scar? there were originally 4 of us, for a while 7...but really just us 2. how did it happen?? where are you? was this the first scar? leading to the many others, the deeper ones?? where were you when the blows to my heart were full force? where was i when you were falling? how were we so blind and selfish?
could we fit now?? it seems we've taken 2 different roads, speeding, full fore, in worlds that will never collide....but deep down i wish they would. i know you're empty. was this the first scar?
the scar that led to walls, a fortress of protection, fueled by fear. how i long for freedom, and i know you feel the same. i want to show you someone to cling to, i want to show you Him.
by no means is this eloquent...i know you wouldn't care, and you'd probably laugh at the attempt. you always went along, let me lead, but encouraged....i don't find that much, anymore. i think i'm scared of failing. was i there for you? i can be now....was this the first scar???
why did you let me fly blind into a thunderstorm??? how could i ever blame you? i don't, you know, blame you. i know you didn't get it, how could i exepct you to? i dove in full force, i was committed before you even had a chance to see the red flags. maybe this is all my fault. i think about picking up the phone from time to time....but we were always pridefull, to a point of self damage.....this is just rambling now. you tried to get it, even if you resented the races, and all of it. but things are differnet now. i recall the times that we had, haning on my wall.
i miss you, and i think we could re connect, if this world was just us. but you have them and i have Him, and right now those worlds will not collide.