There are 80 million things swirling around my head now…and the strangest feeling settling over me. a peaceful discontent. I’m not thrilled about some things in my life, but I am at peace with this feeling of uneasiness.
Discontent is a restless desire, a craving for something we don’t have.
A weekend at the track can make me forget who I am, and long to return to the thrill and excitement of burning lungs, aching legs that cramp from knots after wearing spikes, smells of icy hot, tastes of Gatorade and granola, the crowd ignites after the bang of a gun, the raw intensity of competition, pushing your body to a new limit you didn’t know existed and then going beyond that.
The part of me that has shut down, that I’ve surrendered to God, is clawing its way out. and the conscious side of me asks WHY WHY WHY…you don’t want to be told your injuries are because you’ve gained weight, you don’t need to be cut down to a mere purchase, your life does not need to revolve around the approval of a middle age woman and 20 cutthroat girls who claim they want the best for you. God reassures ‘you’re worth MORE, I can use you for GREATNESS’ but temptations waters are deep and swift and the thoughts are hard to kick. The discontent I have is blanketed by peace.
I question why things are happening (or not happening) who am I to question to plans of the Almighty.
Relationships are yours God, be glorified.
I fear heartache looms before me either way.
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